10:59:00 PM

Should have told you but I'd never really cared :')

Well you always got the worst of me.
8:35:00 PM

here's there, whereas everywhere is right about here.

less grumpier.
truthfully, old.
nonetheless, bolder.

Peace, Empathy, Pen Off
5:15:00 PM

Heh, I remember this :P

I was strolling through my Myspace account and I stumbled upon this, a poem that I wrote some times in last year. I'd completely forgotten about this but now that I'd found it, I was pretty dazed by it. *haha* enjoy :)

a life once told,
as an unfolding labyrinth.
i held up names of everyone in the grip of my hearts,
i seen it all torn as the golden sun rays burn it whole.
i had no regrets on missing chapters,
but i do regret of never been trying to write an epilogue of my own.
i refuse to cry when i'm dyed by the rain.
i refuse to smile when u'r dying by the pain.
i only wanna see the world running thru my veins.
running with my remorse.
and my dreams will then tell me,
i'm not yet 'dead'.
as dead has always been my only loyal companion.
and i'm saying this for the awesome departures of many great names in my life.
thank you guys,
thank you girls,
thank you friends.

That's all. Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :')
6:58:00 PM

But I'd never really cared.

I was enjoying my time watching Seniman Bujang Lapok with my youngest sister who's just 7, when suddenly my mom let out this, "Adik ni kecik kecik tengok cerita P. Ramlee, macam orang tua dah*giggle*" . It made me realized the fact that even though every single one of us in this family are hugely different from one another, we still share a common interest; P. Ramlee (Teuku Zakaria Teuku Nyak Puteh.

And so off I went looking for some blogs and articles on him and eventually stopped at this one article which really made me felt like, uh, dunno, ehm, mad i guess? No, stoked perhaps? Or yeah, STFU maybe? Yeahh, i'll pick the latter one. This one article had this "Malay this, Malay that" , "Chinese this, Chinese that" issues lingering through its every pixels possible. *sigh* . Recently, I'd kinda made, like an oath to myself that I will never ever indulge myself with these POLITICAL BULLSHIT ever again, but hey who's to blame? I'll play. Try this, and read the comments below http://arifomar.blogspot.com/2010/04/pesanan-allahyarham-tan-sri-p-ramlee.html. I'm never a racist, let alone a cultist, so. . .I dunno, there's something about each and every single one of us that makes me believe in unity. I don't give a fuck about democracy or autocracy or be it any possible names, I only care about unity. Our country is a 'democracy-based' country and let's see how far we'd been now. Politics? "May It Cease" because yeahh, "Us Malaysians're Now Obliterated". The main reason for all of this mad carousel is "Politicians Are Sickening" everyone with their empty scripts and act. We don't need a party, we need a leader.
Peace, Empathy, Pen Off.
5:42:00 PM

Will they open their eyes and realize we are one ;') ?

Dudes from Broken Riffs playing a cover of Alter Bridge - Open Your Eyes.

Broken Riffs, on their first television debut :) .
8:30:00 PM

Live or Die Trying ;)

a quick recap on this month's big events in life.

1: For my birthday, I felt super psyched because someone do care that my birthday fell on the same date with John Lennon's (except that i was born later in terms of year) . Yet, this wish changed it all "Amir....as ur Dad wanna say I love you much and pray for your bright future on your birthday..may Allah bless you..and I dont mind having a Rock Star as a son....". Thank you Sir Raja Chulan, you made this boy's birthday a meaningful one.

2: I'd eventually remembered almost all of my own written songs. It's hard when I can't seem to find my notepad which I'd used to wrote most of my songs with. Go Mr. Brain, you can do this!

3: Had a jamming session of which made me realized that this has gone too far un-eyed and we need to be super serious about making this thing real. The session was pretty much 'crooked' due to the long period of hiatus.

4: I'd finally used the McD gift certificate that I got for Aidilfitri. Had a late 'picnic' with a friend of mine in front of a lake eating those garbs. Had a serious talk about life and global issues.

5: Narrowly escaped an almost fatal accident which involved my friend's car. Fatal, because if the incident was slightly tweaked, my life might have had ended there. That incident got me thinking deep about life and all of my wrongdoings. I wanna change. I don't wanna die a sinner.

6: Felt that I'd spent too much time on stupid things and thought that I really need to put an end to this 'idiocracy' and start living. For that huge first step, I'd decided to have my hair cut short. A fresh start for a new beginning.

We talked about changing, but we didn't even changed the topic ;')
3:32:00 AM

Gecko :)

True Story :)

A friend of a friend of a friend of mine owns a pretty big gecko weighing almost 600g, and one of my other friend has this friend who's been searching for geckos for a pretty bountiful amount of cash. In my head, I'm thinking hundreds of ringgit would do the price but oh how foolishly I was to assume such small number. After a long and rather complicated explanation from a friend of mine, I'd finally understood the reasoning behind the high price. Wait, I haven't told you the price yet huh? It is said that the normal price for a 350g+ gecko would go between RM100k and RM150k, loose and easy. Now what if the gecko weighs approximately 600g? DO THE MATH PEOPLE!

I have nothing to do with the gecko nor with the owner, but just now I'd went to see the buyer's middle man (which is a friend of my friend) together with the guys and I was taken aback from the whole conversation. Orang tengah tu ialah lelaki Sabah yang juga student UNISEL. He asked a lot of questions regarding the gecko and he'd stressed plentiful times during the conversation to never let this transaction be a small matter in eyes. Sebab dia cakap buyer tu bukan calang calang orang dan selalunya transaksi macamni mesti ada senjata api terlibat sebab duit yang nak letak tu bukan sikit, RATUSAN RIBU KOT! Sepanjang perbualan, saya buat cool, padahal dalam hati trbayang kes Dato' Sosilawati. Samalah jugak macam kawan kawan yang lain. Kalau beli barang ratusan ringgit tu tak pernah la nak gugup ke apa tapi ini lain. I want out!

Tapi, setelah difikirkan balik, saya rasa gecko merupakan haiwan yang tersangat comel! Saya rasa macam nak beli dan bela seekor tapi tau tak harga anak gecko yang paling kecik ialah RM250. Damn -.-
6:14:00 PM


Where's my fucking T shirt? Dang, I need that baby right now!

Why are you ditching me? All those times shared made me felt so sure about having you until we just won't fit each other anymore, but I was truly wrong! Damn you T shirt. I should have picked that red one -.-
5:19:00 AM

Changing :)

You fall apart each time you start to say goodbye but there is nobody watching. You flashed your grip, you start to slip but don't know why, and this is just the beginning. You had the hopes to make it last, now it's moving fast and now you're realizing that in the past those dreams you had made people feel like you were just reciting.

Bathing in the afterglow of chance and luck and pride, where we end up we could never know. All I know is we seem to be changing, it's better to turn and walk away. Fading, all these lights just turn to grey, but the strange thing is that I don't feel a thing.

This is just an act, stop holding back. The things you lost cannot replace what's missing. And from the start you'd played the part and now your heart becomes a great deception.

Go figure. Peace, Empathy, Pen off :)
3:40:00 PM

The Alarming Sound Of A Still Small Voice

I knew I never deserved you
I just felt so high inside
I move along, I shuffled in place then backhand
and you're pulling me in
Will I ever find anyone?
You make me feel like I've been lost somewhere
Now it's morning so it's over now it's over

Am I right where I need to be or is this another distraction?
Is this how I'm supposed to feel?
I've been trying to wake you
Is there a change you need to see or is this another disaster?
Tell me how I'm supposed to feel
I've been trying to wake you

No this is never what I wanted
Never what I thought I signed up for
and I keep moving away to the edge
then I'll decide whether jump or stay asleep
Sometimes the leap of faith is all
Faith is all we have. Why won't you tell me?

Am I right where I need to be or is this another distraction?
Is this how I'm supposed to feel?
I've been trying to wake you
Is there a change you need to see or is this another disaster?
Tell me how I'm supposed to feel
I've been trying to wake you up.
Why won't you wake up?

Wake up. Nobody's sleeping anymore
And I've had enough of the ground
Made my escape fell in love with the sound
And I'll pound my fists till you wake up
So why aren't you waking up?

When the sun is coming out
When the sun is coming out
And I can't hide here anymore
no, no, on no. When the sun is coming out

Am I right where I need to be or is this another distraction?
Is this how I'm supposed to feel?
I've been trying to wake you
Is there a change you need to see or is this another disaster?
Tell me how I'm supposed to feel
I've been trying to wake you up.
Why won't you wake up?
Why won't you wake up?
Why won't you wake me up?

The #6 track off of Saosin's 2nd full-length album entitled 'In Search Of Solid Ground'. The very first time I listened to this album, i was pretty much stoked and errmm pretty much was annoyed by the drastic change they had made to their music. The album was pretty like pop-ish and sounds like the album was targeting for the mainstream market. But I was wrong for when the 2nd time I'd listened to the album, I noticed something vastly different. It wasn't obvious nor obnoxious, but I noticed it somehow that their music is now singing along with the vocal. Before, the guitar riffs and leads were merely just skills and techniques to highlight the idea of expressing their genre but now, ohh you can even feel high by just listening to the music. This song in particular is a grave sad song that I 'enjoyed' so much that dahi saya berkerut sebab fokus sangat kat lagu ni. I can feel the emotions and the storyline vividly through Cove's voice together along with the band's music. It was orgasmic! This song is super sad that when Saosin played this during their show in KL, I can't help but to stop moshing and just take a time out and gaze and stare to everything there at the venue. The view? Priceless. I'd seen how truthfully the earth always seems static in satellite pictures yet in our daily life, even a picture might worth a thousand story :) . Try and have a listen to this song eyh mate? Peace, Empathy, Pen Off ;')
7:52:00 PM

A Huge Thank You :)

Thousand of millions of thank you's for all that came to my house just now. It was fun seeing all those old friends and new friends mingling with each other, and it was great seeing friends of mine berborak-borak dengan kawan-kawan kakak saya yang kebetulan satu universiti dengan mereka. The world was made huge, so humans can never run out of space to keep their friends :) . My cousin yang semangat datang dari jauh, member-member abang saya yang datang dari jauh, member-member saya yang juga datang dari jauh, semuanya menambahkan lagi seri suasana Hari Raya ke-7 ini. But the biggest joy would be seeing my friends chatting with my mom who was once seorang ustazah untuk hampir kesemua kawan-kawan saya. Semua bersembang tentang macam mana ragam mereka dulu dan macam mana mereka telah membesar. And ohh how we had grown! Sorry sebab saya tak sempat nak berbual dengan semua orang sebab tadi rasanya kawan-kawan saya yang paling ramai hadir jadi saya sibuk nak kena ulang alik melayan semua orang. Haiiihhh we had really grown eh? Semua ada jaminan kerjaya sendiri, tapi saya je yang ambik haluan sebagai seorang guru ek? Haha we would never what'll hit us. I had fun. I had fun. I had fun. Oh i had fun. Sorry kalau ada yang terasa sebab saya tak invite personally melalui sms or phone call, but believe me semua yang datang pun daripada ajakan saya melalui Facebook. Tapi, saya rasa bersalah juga jadi saya mohon jutaan maaf di atas kesilapan saya itu :') . Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri semua, and please keep on being beautiful eyh? Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :')
2:55:00 AM

Them who knows best :)

Quote 1
Location : Nani's House
Conversation Between : My Father & Auntie Nolly

It was the 2nd of Raya and my father was with Auntie Nolly chatting about their experiences throughout life. Both shared their thought equally while I sat there sharing their laughs and anecdotes. It was a pretty comfortable dialogue until they suddenly had a talk about the "orang cina makan duit lebih, orang melayu pemalas" issue (Auntie Nolly is a Chinese, and my father is, well a Malay of course). The issue started with a question from Auntie Nolly "Eyh itu Rosmah aaa muka banyak muda. Apa dia buat?", Rosmah yang dikatakan oleh Auntie Nolly ialah isteri kepada PM kita sekarang. Lepas je nama PM kita terpacul dari mulut Auntie Nolly, the whole conversation shifted to a high edge leather studded bucket racing seat. But it wasn't grumpy at all, it was a clean laughable talk. The talk jadi lebih sedap apabila handphone ayah saya berbunyi and he refused to answer it. Ayat dia selepas itu yang menarik perhatian saya ialah *i couldn't remember it whole but I do remember the main points of it*:

"Kesian jugak si Najib tu sebab dia kena settlekan semua masalah yang tinggal. Abdullah dulu tu pandai, lepas dia naik jadi menteri, dia punya friends, relatives dan kroni semua makan besar tapi rakyat tak jaga. Itu yang sekarang Najib kena cover balik negara ni. Tapi kalau Anwar Ibrahim yang jadi PM sekarang, Malaysia takyah risau. Orang dok balun Anwar sebab dia samaratakan semua kaum, tapi orang tak sedar yang bangunkan negara ni pon orang cina sekarang ni. Anwar dia nampak yang kalau orang cina disatukan dengan orang melayu, Malaysia naik. I'm not saying it sebab Anwar tu senior saya dulu, tapi sebab dari apa yang dia pernah buat untuk negara he's worth the try. Dia punya personal issue apa semua tu, kita letak tepi dulu, we let him do his job and we do ours. It's a win-win situation. Melayu sekarang ni malas, tahu nak istimewa then kalau cina potong, dia marah. Tak elok la camtu. Win-win, semua merasa. Apa salahnya?"
Though we are aged years apart, but I do know one thing: "Ke mana tumpahnya kuah kalau tidak ke nasi?" . You made me realized persamaan kita yang paling ketara iaitu we Malays really need to step up the game :) .
Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :)
3:58:00 AM

Selamat Hari Raya everyone :)

"that very morning was the same as every other that we had. we siblings woke up at 9am or so to find out that our tummy was soo in desperate need for food and so off i went to the kitchen looking for something to cure that itch in this tiny esophagus of mine. yet, before even arriving (eh jauhnye dapur?), i noticed that my eldest sister was crying and sobbing so hard with my neighbors beside her. i suddenly knew that that day will turn up unusual than the usual days before. that day will be a scar etched firmly across my chest, that day will be on a crest (it rhymes people!). i asked my sister why but she couldn't bother answering with her sobs hanging all the way through to her lungs and so my neighbor then handed me that day's newspaper. she told me to look at a page and read it well with my other sisters. i read it and oh how i was taken aback by that article. i was barely even breathing and my head was imagining things like it never ever had before. there was written that a car with passengers of 4 was involved in a fatal accident with a lorry. no survivors were reported from the side of the car, but 'luckily' those who were in the lorry survived. i thought that my mom was one of the victim for she had the same car like written in the article but i was wrong because for a moment later my mom was safely home. she told us all of the details and told us to quickly pack our bags and wait at the car. before i went on packing, i glanced back at my eldest sister, her eyes were all red and watery, her cheeks wet from her pouring tears and her voice was not at all there. i knew how she felt back then 'cause i too had had an experience equal of this of her, i too had lost someone before. at that moment, my eyes dripped the firsts drop of tears for the day. i'll cry with you sister. i promise ;') ."

"once every often during the trip my head reminisced all those moments i shared with 'him' whom i had recently lost. i remembered listening to Nirvana though the young age of mine which was barely 10, i remembered wrestling 'him' every time 'he' got home after 'his' tiring weeks of part time job, i remembered playing video games with 'him' until the very final hour of a day and i certainly do remember vividly 'his' smiles and 'his' voice. 'he' was the kind of a rebel who would say "Let's play guitar and be a rockstar one day" or "I'm tired of chores *whilst smiling :)*", i would say that. 'he' was the best friend ever and we were so close though we were separated by an 8 years of age gap. i remembered listening to my mom talking to 'him' "Hang jangan kerja jauh sangat amat, nanti jadi apa apa susah. Bukan nya takmau bagi." and 'he' replied with a sweet smile on 'his' face "Saje nak cari pengalaman ngan duit. Nanti orang selalu balik ummu. Takde ape nye ni." yes i remember that moment."

"the day we lost 'him' fell on Syawal 23rd of 1421 Hijri which was the 18th of January 2001. after the day 'he' went, i remembered that my mom once said that the boss from 'his' part time job called and told her that the boss had offered the staffs somewhat of like a reward before Raya Aidilfitri to those who managed to do their works greatly and 'he' replied to 'his' boss that 'he' would do things great from now on because Aidilfitri is just around the corner and 'he' just can't wait to see the face on my mom when she sees it. after the evaluation, 'he' was the selected one for that reward but yeah some promises were made before it reaches the heart and 'he' was sad/mad that 'he' didn't get 'he' had worked for and the boss told my mom the he was terrified if the ghost of 'him' will haunt him for his wrongdoing but my mom said that those who left would never come back. "those who left would never come back" is a strong word. you wouldn't know how i felt upon losing you, you wouldn't know how it hurts to see your face in Aidilfitri motionless and pale, you wouldn't even know me being there to see you, you wouldn't even know how much i had missed you before that day and most of all you wouldn't even know how much i still miss you until this very day of Aidilfitri the 1st of 1431 Hijri. you wouldn't know how much we missed you. you would never know."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back to the time before u were buried because i didn't kissed you goodbye. i didn't even touched you. oh how i was stupid for letting that opportunity blows twice in my life."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and take you back to this day where you can see that our family is now doing great. we now have PS2, so you wouldn't have to play games on that old bulky PSone we once had."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and tell you to never do the part time. i would be willing to say and do anything just to stop you from leaving the house."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and tell you of my future. we can laugh about the girls i met and talk about the friends we have. we can be in a band bro! we'll play Nirvana's stuffs all day long!"

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and take you to yesterday. yesterday, Syawal the 1st where we had been to your grave and gave respect. and oh you'd missed many huge events in our family. abang didi is married to kak mekna, abang kamarul is married too! and plus, you have a new sister named Raja Fitriyatul Khairiyah. she's a real menace. you should see her, she's beautiful. heh i sounded awfully bad here. i need to stop."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back to our last Aidilfitri together and apologize for all of the bad things i had done. i would say "Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri abang mat. maafkan lah semua salah silap aku sepanjang kita pernah kenal." to you. i will if i can."

"it's kind of ironic of how mom used to scold you so bad because of the incident where you'd made me fell real hard when i was months old *and she did even told you to never ever touch me again!* and how you now seems to be my favourite friend ever. well i'm displeasing everyone now, so it's time to go. Peace, Empathy, Pen Off ;') ."

i copied this article from somewhere but i just couldn't remember the precise whereabout. jadi tolonglah hargai semua ahli keluarga anda. mereka tak boleh dijual beli. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua, mohon maaf zahir dan batin dari saya Raja Muhammad Amiruddin bin Raja Chulan.
*and oh saya dah ingat dah tempat asal artikel ni. it was originally in my head for the remembrance of my late brother Raja Ahmad Ashfihani bin Raja Chulan ;'(*

*rest in peace my beloved brother ;') . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off.
9:05:00 PM


Ipoh mali :) . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :)
8:38:00 AM

Family :)

my everything :)
6:22:00 AM

I quit. . .

. . .because the game ain't any slower.
3:26:00 PM


For 27 years I’ve been trying to believe and confide in
Different people I’ve found.
Some of them got closer than others
And some wouldn’t even bother and then you came around
I didn’t really know what to call you, you didn’t know me at all
But I was happy to explain.
I never really knew how to move you
So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins
And I saw you
But that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

You always seem to know where to find me and I’m still here behind you
In the corner of your eye.
I’ll never really learn how to love you
But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky.

Where I see you
And that’s not an invitation
That’s all I get
If this is communication
I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect

Well this is an invitation
It’s not a threat
If you want communication
That’s what you get
I’m talking and talking
But I don’t know
How to connect
And I hold a record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation
I need you, you want me
But I don’t know
How to connect, so I disconnect
I disconnect.

artist : The Cardigans
album : Long Gone Before Daylight
year : 1998
11:57:00 AM

So Long, Goodbye :)

Time passes by, direction unknown
You've left us now but we're not alone
Before you know it your cup's overflown
You measured no one that I've ever known

And it's quite alright
And goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars
And believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright
And so long, goodbye

We always knew that it'd come to this
It's times like these i forget what i miss
Matters of heart are hard to address
Especially when yours is full of emptiness

And it's quite alright
And goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars
And believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright
And so long, goodbye

Well time passes by, direction unknown
You've left us now but we're not alone
Before you know it your cup's overflown
You measured no one that I've ever known

And it's quite alright
And goodbye for now
Just look up to the stars
And believe who you are
Cause it's quite alright
And so long, goodbye.

artist : Sum 41
album : Underclass Hero
year : 2007
4:08:00 AM

Raja Chulan bin Raja Ahmad Tajuddin

my hero ;') . born on the 21st of November 1949. one of the writers for www.sembangkuala.com and serves as a hero for many many unknown others with his motivational talks at events and programs.

dari kecil (14) sampai sekarang, i wasn't one of my parents' favorite. i got 5As for UPSR, then i got into SMK SULTAN BADLISHAH, one of the top schools in Kedah, and i scored 7As for PMR and. . . . .that's probably just it. back in that school, i was known merely for masalah diplin. i have a (half)sister with the same age as mine and she was phenomenally known amongst classes and students for her achievements in many many aspects. we were and are like the closest of male-female friends. but one difference that set us apart way far from each other is that i wasn't as bright-headed as she is. and what more, i am a bit lazy. time form4, disebabkan dier (Raja Izzatul Saadah) dapat 8A dalam PMR dan berjaya dapat markah kokurikulum yang gempak, dier dapat tawaran ke SEKOLAH SAINS MUAR. meanwhile on the other hand, me(Raja Muhammad Amiruddin) dapat 7A dalam PMR tetapi disebabkan masalah disiplin yang tertunggak sangat, dibuang. . . . . . . . . . dan disebabkan tak isi borang untuk sekolah teknik or any other school lepas PMR, saya tak dapat offer ke mana mana pun dan akhirnya masuk ke SEKOLAH MENENGAH KEBANGSAAN SUNGAI KERTAS yang pernah masuk tv3 sebab kes bergaduh sampai pecah kepala, masuk paper sebab kes ada pelajar perempuan dibawa lari dan hampir dirogol. so what -.- ?

saya tak merungut. saya tak kata sekolah tu teruk, sebab dekat situ saya banyak belajar banyak benda baru. di SMKSB, saya banyak belajar tentang cara nak hidup dengan orang tapi di SMKSK, saya banyak belajar macamana untuk hidup berdikari! sepanjang sekolah sini, saya selalu dengar rungutan "kalau la kau belajar leklok dulu" , "kau tu lah, malas" , "patut kau boleh pegi jauh" dan macam macam lagi. saya tak jadikan itu sebab untuk memberontak, saya jadikan itu sebab untuk berjaya. time ambek result SPM ,saya dpt 3A,4B,2C dan 1E. mmber mmber sekolah ramai yang cakap "ok la tu" , tapi balik balik je rumah, tunjuk kat akak saya (Raja Habibatul Zaharah) dier terus geleng kepala pastu "3A je kau dapat, pastu addmath kau E mer?" . see? i'm the black sheep of this family. i have a 'royal blood' streaming through all over my veins yet i acted like a homeless kid back in those days. bile habis zaman sekolah, start keje part time, banyak lagi benda baru yang saya belajar *most of them are bad things. so i'm not gonna stress more on that :P *.

sejak 2009, kepala otak saya ni dah tepu dengan ayat ni sahaja

"Dah besar nanti, korang semua tunggu. Aku akan jadi orang yang berjaya dengan hidup yang senang. Dan korang nak tahu siapa yang akan kongsi rasa senang tu dengan aku? Korang semua. Aku akan jaga korang semua macamana korang semua dah jaga aku dari kecil sampai sekarang. Aku nak korang semua hidup senang. Aku taknak ada orang sentuh langsung korang. Setitik darah korang turun, sebaldi darah aku sendiri aku rela tumpahkan untuk korang."
as long as i'm alive, i will solemnly abide to this 'oath' of mine. just you wait ;') . Pen Off ;O
4:13:00 PM


"Shut the fuck up" she said, "I'm going fucking deaf. You're always too loud, everything's too loud." Now that all my friends left, this place is fucking dead I wanna move out, when can we move out? This shit has got to stop; I'll run away.

"Get the fuck up", she said "your life is meaningless it's going nowhere, you're going nowhere. you're just a fuck-up." she said "I'll live alone instead" she said "you don't care," I know I don't care. I'll never ask permission from you, fuck off I'm not listening to you. I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home :) .

I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the plane tried to forget you, i can't forget you. No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights we had to get through. How did we get through? I'll never ask permission from you, fuck off I'm not listening to you. I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home :)

I'll run away. I think it's time that I should leave. I'll never ask permission from you, fuck off i'm not listening to you. I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home :)

I think it's time for me to leave :)

written by: Markus Allan Hoppus :)
2:47:00 AM

where oh where?

back when i was 14 or so, i tend to have lots of my free times spent on songwriting. i wouldn't say that i was achieving for quality, it was rather more on quantity. i wrote on simple things back then. there's a song me and friends of mine wrote about one of our warden back in SMK SULTAN BADLISHAH, entitled "Abang Johari" . it was chop suey-ly done but that song was a blast among students because Cikgu Johari wasn't really a favorite amongst us. it was fun. and there's this another song we wrote untuk hari persembahan asrama. lagu melayu yang rasanya takde tajuk *or maybe i forgot already* yang kitorang tulis dan arrange hampir setiap hari. that song was one of my favourite. it was soothing. balik sekolah, main lagu tu. lepas makan, main lagu tu. lepas prep, main lagu tu. takleh tido, main lagu tu. bila hari persembahan yang ditunggu tu tiba, kitorang tukar sikit lirik lagu last minute and the singer went right on nervous and he didn't even sing a word on that very day. but it was a very blissful moment when suddenly some students from the audience at the back are singing along to the song that we didn't even sing ;') . bukan setakat member lelaki, yang perempuan sekali sebab kitorang practice selalunye memekak sampai orang boleh dgr. sampaikan dorang boleh hafal :) . touching ;')

later in life, i learnt many many new stuffs and i tend to write more on heavy sensitive issues rather than the easy-listening stuffs. i wrote more on humanity and love. i even tried on political issues but i was never great at that subject. there are many good songs written back then, but i was aiming high. good won't do, yet great will barely suffice. i was aiming for excellency. good songs are kept aside until at one point i couldn't even remember the melody of my own written songs. berlagak la katakan. rasa diri dah cukup bagus. padahal tulis merapu.

but seriously, the point of me posting this entry is because nak mengadu yang sekarang ni saya nak tulis lagu pon tak reti langsung dah. haiiihhh ;'( . another beloved hobby went lost. Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :'*
4:24:00 PM

Kenapa chewing gum diharamkan di Singpore?

Rasanya ramai yang dah tahu chewing gum is a banned stuff In Singapore. Cakap pasal chewing gum dan Singapore nie. Ada satu cerita, PM Singapore pegi ke Thailand, dia makan malam dengan raja Siam. Mula-mula diorang makan udang, PM Singapore tanya kat raja siam lepas makan udang , apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit udang? Raja Siam jawab: "kami tak buat apa.kami buang aje" PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore , kami recycle kulit udang Jadik keropok udang, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand?" Lepas tu diorang makan limau plak. PM Singapore Tanya lagi " Lepas makan limau, apa orang Thailand buat dengan kulit limau?" Raja Siam jawab "kami tak buat apa,kami buang aje" PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, kami recycle kulit limau jadik Jus limau, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand" Last sekali, diorang makan chewing gum, seperti biasa PM Singapore pun Tanya "Apa orang Thailand buat dengan chewing gum yang dah dimakan?" Raja Siam jawab "Kami tak buat apa, kami! buang aje" PM Singapore: "ooo kat Singapore, lepas makan chewing gum, kami recycle jadik kondom, lepas tu kami eksport ke Thailand" Raja Siam plak Tanya: "apa orang Singapore buat dengan kondom selepas digunakan?" PM Singapore jawab:" kami tak buat apa, kami buang aje." Raja Siam: "ooo kat Thailand, lepas guna kondom, kami recycle jadik chewing gum, Lepas tu kami eksport ke Singapore" Erk! muka PM Singapore jadik merah padam" dan sebaik saja PM Singapore Balik ke negaranya, dia terus ban chewing gum di Singapore, sampai sekarang! Itulah kisahnya, kenapa chewing gum di-ban kat Singapore?
2:18:00 PM

Revenge Of My Sith

saya lahir di Hospital Daerah Kuala Kangsar pada 9hb Oktober 1991. Pernah menetap sekejap di Kampung Talang ketika kecik kecik dulu. Lepas tu teros ke Gombak. Dari kecik sampai ke besar sinilah tempat bermulanya segala segalanya bagi saya, segalanya kecuali muzik. Saya bersekolah di SMK SULTAN BADLISHAH dari form1 hingga form3 kemudian saya kena. . . . .enough with that. moving on, gombak has been a great great teacher for me and my loyal companion, soul. i'd learnt a lot of valuable things here. musically, this is where i grew up on eventhough sadly, this is not where i'd started. setiap kali orang bertanya pasal Gombak, thousands of hundred thousands stories came up in these colourful thoughts of mine which i can't ever be able to share with mere words. salah satu kebanggaan saya di Gombak; ialah industri muziknya. You guys don't even know Gombak, so shut the ef up. it is true that Gombak holds such massive numbers for domestic violence and juvenile crimes, but look at the brightside! nowadays, semua tempat pun macam tu, someone/somewhere/something has to be put on blame, so that's where Gombak steps in.

shit, tersalah topik. saya belajar music dengan ramai orang sepanjang pembesaran saya menjadi dewasa. haha. salah seorang ialah nik adib. looking at his achievements right now, hati rasa panas sebab aku nak macam tu jugak. aku nak bekerja keras sehingga kan semua orang bangga dengan aku. aku inginkan semua! GOT X, GOT IT ALL! daym -.-


from left= Safwan (bass, backing vocal), Joey (2nd guitar, lead vocal), Batang (drums), and Nik Adib (2nd vocal, lead guitar) at the 2009 Soundstage final and Muzik Muzik. terharu beb.
wait, you wouldn't think that i would have this one post only with blabbering on a friend's success? do you? well how about friends' success? but not all of them are friends of mine, aite? check this cool guys out. all hailing from GOMBAK! Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :) . *some of them are not even friends of mine, but hellz yeah Gombak is where their heart is :) *

679 - Punk Rock / Ska / Punk

Sunday Morning Glory n.k.a Leech - Grunge / Alternative Rock

Against The Wall - Pop Punk / Screamo / Alternative

Ballad For Layla - Screamo / Metal

Coda - Indie / Pop Rock / Alternative
4:13:00 AM

this is suicide season ;'(

i'm not a great guitarist. i'm not even good in songwriting but i love listening to deep complex composition. saosin beats all, but i can't go on a life based on only saosin aite? so here's another fave band of mine. a death metal band hailing from the land of reeboks and sneakers, Britain; i give you Bring Me The Horizon.

this band has a great number of fans yet sadly, most of them are girls who are only interested with the frontman, Oliver Sykes, but not at all at their music. it's true that Oli has a great moral issues lingering his every presence, but throughout interviews you'll see that him and the others are a bunch of very sensitive guys who are aware of the surrounding's current tribulation. i ain't much of a great fan but i'm really digging Suicide Season. a song available in their previous album entitled "Suicide Season". here's a video with lyrics below. it's a very superbly-moving-and-touching sad song wrote excellently by them guys. enjoy ;')

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too
For when he died, he took a part of you
No time for farewells, no chances for goodbyes
No explanations, no fucking reasons why
I watched it eat you up, pieces fallen on the floor
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
I would climb my way to Heaven, and bring him back home again
Don't give up hope my friend, this is not the end
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too
For when he died, he took a part of you
Death is only a chapter
So let's rip out the pages of yesterday
Death is only a horizon
And I'm ready for my sun...
I'm ready for my sun to set
This is suicide season!
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
We would climb our way to Heaven, and bring him home again
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
We would climb our way to Heaven, and bring him home again
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
We would climb our way to Heaven, and bring him home again
We would do anything to bring him back to you
We would do anything to end what you're going through
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
I would climb my way to Heaven, and bring him home again
I would do anything to bring him back to you
Because if you got him back, I would get back the friend that I once knew
4:29:00 AM

Immortal Technique

Follow these steps procedurally, and do not skip any of the steps.

1. Masuk youtube.
2. Search Immortal Technique.
3. Ambik lagu Tell The Truth.
4. Dengar lirik dier.
6:03:00 AM

Stick to the golden rule; stay in school, fool.

Around 0400 on 12th of August; which is yesterday, a great lesson in life was learned.

i was busy doing an assignment, whilst the other dudes are goofing around as usual. Then din ajak g sahur, saya bersiap siap secepat mungkin sebab perot dah lapar kaw kaw. Everything was normal when suddenly din and azim told me to get all of the boys downstair 'cause there's a policeman who wants to do an inspection. I went down nauseated with many many questioning lingering in this head of mine. *Sebelum turun, sempat tgk brapa ramai polis ada depan rumah. Satu VAN D8! Smua dalam uniform. Yang kat rumah kitorang seorang pakcik with handcuffs hanging from his shoulder. HANDCUFFS dengan tekanan lebih di huruf S dekat hujung! All the other policemen were in the next door, doing urine tests to almost everyone there. I WAS PETRIFIED TO DEATH AT THAT EXACT MOMENT!*

polis kat rumah kitorang tanya, "brape orang yang hisap rokok dalam rumah ni?" dan saya antara yang terawal yang angkat tangan. A great offense is a great deffense aite? Then the cop asked some questions on age, background, etc and predictably latter he asked us this "siapa yg pernah ambik dadah?" . My heart stopped beating almost literally back then and my head had been flashing many many beloved faces of mine upon hearing that wretched question of his! I was going to say no when suddenly rahman chimed in with "kitorang takde sampai macam tu sekali cik. Rokok je paling teruk" . Pastu pakcik tu tanya lagi "boleh kitorang nak buat urine test kat semua orang?" and almost everyone there nodded with a yes. My thoughts went right on hysterical when suddenly that pakcik cakap "korang blaja leklok, jangan buat bukan bukan. Pakcik pun ada anak besar besar korang." and he asked us to write our names on a piece of paper. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .and thankfully that was just about it. Palotak dah pikir macam macam dah. Lepas pakcik tu keluar dari rumah, most of the boys came to me and said "nasib baik kau kali ni amer. Takyah la buat dah lepasni. Kau g tengok rumah sebelah, ape jadi. Kau nak kena camtu?"

lepas rumah kitorang settle dgn benda tu, kitorang sambung balik plan asal; sahur. Sebelum gerak, smpat tgk rumah sebelah. Budak2 rumah tu smua kena duduk style mcm dalam lokap lepas urine test. Budak2 rumah sebelah semuanya budak kelantan yang terlampau baik je dgn kitorang. After the night was done, we asked the guys next door what had happened and they told us some of the guys kena angkut masuk lokap. Rupa-rupanya rumah tu kena mark dgn polis,t ak tahu la samada sebab orang report atau pemeriksaan random.

BUT THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME TOO! Walaupun saya selalu cuba untuk berbuat baik dengan semua orang, tak semestinya orang akan terima kesilapan saya. Thank you ALLAH for saving me yesterday. I'm owing you more now than ever ;')
7:25:00 AM

Nothing Is What It Seems Without You

Saosin has been my foremost favorite band way back in 2007 since i'd first listened to 'Voices' . Well yeah i'm late at it 'cause Saosin first debuted in the year 2002 with Anthony Green as the frontman, but i had pretty much STUDIED almost everything about them since then. My guitar-ing had improved few scales wider since i started playing Saosin's. I started practising singing in uber high notes that at one point i remembered having only HOT drinks to quench my thirst, and it continued for weeks then months. Although i still couldn't pretty much sing the exact note like Cove Reber *current frontman* , the least is i can sing in higher notes than before. Err whatever. Saosin had inspired reasons for a lot of things in my life, their lyrics are super genius yet in a way still managed to be true, their music defies trends and their attitudes are the best!

Saosin was a quick bloomer. Upon having their first EP released, their fanbase grew so effing large in such a short period that they were noted as 'the band with the greatest DIY marketing strategy'. EP was so phenomenal that they were soon offered a recording contract with Capitol Records which shook the bandmates so hard that it caused Anthony Green to leave the band. But it was all good, no bad blood or etc. Anthony stated that it was too fast for him and he wasn't ready to leave his family behind for this and so he left in the year 2003. The empty post was later taken in the same year 2003 by Cove Reber who was only 19 when he started for Saosin! He went from a complete no-one to the one with a promising future!

i had always been envying Jakarta because it was amongst the earliest land on Asia to ever have Saosin to perform. I had been counting hours and days that they might plan even maybe a mini show in Malaysia since their first show in Asia. Well my wait ended on the 2nd of February 2010 :) . The show was epic.

It worths the wait. It worths the comments i'd left on their Myspace. It worths the classes i'd skipped. It worths 2 days of no sleep. It worths the beloved guitar that i'd sold. It worths the songs i wrote. It worths reading their discography and Wikipedia entry. It worths viewing every video of them on YouTube. It was worth every single ounce of it ;')

main reason for this entry?
It is official, that Cove Reber had left the band ;'( . I am sooo superbly depressed
3:04:00 PM

"Fiat Sapienta Virtus"


For the subject Pengajian Malaysia, kami disuruh pergi ke mana mana lokasi bersejarah/penting di dalam Malaysia dan sediakan satu laporan menyeluruh serta video sebagai bukti kunjungan kami. Kami (Raja Muhammad Amiruddin, Muhammad Mustaqim, Muhammad Asyraf dan Muhammad Izzudin) telah berkunjung ke Malay College Of Kuala Kangsar.

Saya lahir di Hospital Daerah Kuala Kangsar dan pernah menetap sekejap di Kampung Talang, Kuala Kangsar. Sebelum ni selalu jugak balik KK, tetapi kebelakangan ni sudah jarang sebab family saya semakin busy with every upcoming years :( . But that's not the point here. KK was and is a great place, i held many sweet memories here. i remembered my first cendol there, i remembered our visit to Clifford High School, i remember having a nice stroll with my family around the Istana *stroll menaiki kereta. err what word should we use for that huh? :P * and most of my first Solat Sunat Aidilfitris there yet most importantly, my very first breath upon living, is THERE, in KUALA KANGSAR. Tapi semalam bila sampai KK jadi macam pening pening sikit sebab dah lama tak pergi. Rasa lain macam. Felt like an outsider -.- . shaitte! our first stop, rumah mus. sampai dalam pukul 2 pagi lebih jugak la. sampai sampai teros melantak nasik! wahhhh naik tren letih dan lapar bai. hahaha hisap rokok kretek, ape aku merepek?

MCKK. that name has a great value in my family. ayah saya, Mr. Raja Chulan bin Raja Ahmad Tajuddin dulu tidak dapat bersekolah di situ walaupun dahulu susur galur diraja diberi kelebihan berbanding pelajar biasa. ayah saya bersekolah di sekolah berhadapan MCKK, Clifford High School. bila masuk MCKK tadi, perasaan sebak macam rushing naik ke kepala. "ini dulu sekolah yang nenek aku nak bapak aku masuk bai!" . i kept having thoughts as that running to and fro vividly in my head. dayym!

we did some interview with the students and some staff there. ape yang paling aku suka dan respect pasal student dorang, bile bercakap dgn dorang, they talk like they were reading from a well-written text! dorang memang hidup dalam sejarah dorang. they feel proud and great having an emblem written "Fiat Sapienta Virtus" pinned on their bright white uniform. we did an interview dengan seorang pelajar senior, and hellz yeah 5 years there do teach him lots of things! fyi, MCKK had successfully gave birth to many great triumph of memorable names in Malaysia. MCKK is also known as 'The Eton of The East' and 'Gateway to High Ranks' . reason(s)? do your research peeps. again, life ain't free mate. shortly said, our 2nd PM, Anwar Ibrahim, Hishammudin, Raja Petra, Sultan Azlan Shah and etc. if you want a list of successful old boys (pelajar lepasan MCKK diberi gelaran Old Boys), that list alone could be as the same length as this boring post of mine :) .

whatever. i'm just a rambling machine went short. Pen Off :)
4:57:00 AM

must-have criterias to be a leader of an organisation/party/COUNTRY

1. Is great with vocabulary and can read from a text superbly well.

2. Knows how to put on faces accordingly to any given situation. Those with a beautiful set of teeth will go far with politics.

3. Great with sweet talks. Knows how to bluff and bullshit his/her way through the organisation's many eyes and hearts and will not have even the tiniest of remorse rising upon doing so.

4. Has a great background, be it from the aspect of academic or even financial state.

5. Must be a great actor/actress who can play well for any given character.

6. Will do almost any-everything to gain stable financial stance, including having the world's largest casino in terms of employment despite the fact that his/her association/country is 'said'-ly of Islamic traits.

7. Has a back up plan for any possible problems that may occur. Groceries are not selling well? "Increase the import quota for alcohol and ciggs." Lot reserved for a mosque is developing slow and consuming loads of money? "Abandon the whole project and have the lot re-cleared to make way for a big shopping mall." A religion/way of life from GOD is outdated nowadays? "'Renew' the religion with nice new names (such as Hadhari) and new beliefs." People choose money over honey? "Well money is the source of all creations aite?"

8. Knows how to make a great use of an old unused concept (adaptation) . The society is breaking apart merely because of racism values lately. "When the kids are united, they will never be united." a strong association is a success when unity is taken seriously into matter. Israel is a strong 'country' and they were united due to a concept realised back in the '80s. The concept was known as 'One Israel' . 1Malaysia sounds nice huh?

9. A leader is clearly a successful one when even the truth couldn't bring him/her down.

So is our leader a great one? YES, because eventhough I'm writing nothing but only of sheer truth, I'm still a nobody who couldn't make any differences to this 'rightfully-pompous' association of ours. Think I'm bluffing eyh? Do your research peeps and you'll agree with these humble opinions of mine. Pen Off :)
1:27:00 PM

Dendang Perantau

Puasa dah dekat. Antara budak budak rumah sewa, saya duduk kat area paling dekat; Gombak, tp rindunye, ya Allah! Seminggu tak balik rasa rindu kaw kaw! Haaiih, then what about ipoh huh? Perak is where my soul is and yeah it's been quite a long time since my last visit there. How's everyone doing? What's new? I need thousands of answers for these wordless questions lingering in this head of mine. Rumah ni lagu raya bukan kemaen lg play tak habis habis ;') . Please please wait me there everybody, i wanna see every single of you so very desperately!
5:37:00 AM

vert picnic

at malacca. for my very very first show with ZAIHEIRILL ZAINUDDIN, MUHAMMAD MUAZZAM and MUHAMMAD FADHLAN with ZAKEY AZHAR as our 'photographer'. haha no lah. he's there with us for moral support and having fun. FADHLAN and ZAKEY are not in the picture.

this? don't ask. from left ZAKEY,ME and FADHLAN. don't ask why the face!

picture taken right after the Saosin's show at the KL Live Center, February 1st 2010. and fyi, tho m sure it's obvious that Saosin is my favorite band ever, together in line with blink 182 and Devildriver. from left; me (-.-), IZZAT FADHULLLAH and YON/ZAIHEIRULL.

ipoh. balik raya. think the year was errr last year i think. with my sisters. from left RAJA IZZATUL SAADAH, RAJA SAJIDATUL BARIRAH, RAJA NUR CZARINA, RAJA HABIBATUL ZAHARAH and me. haihhhh kenangan ;')

taman batu muda. skatepark. i was never really really good with skateboarding but hellz yeah it is one of my favorite sport up until now. miss those days :( .

haha smk sungai kertas. yahh laugh about the name lah. adoi. i started secondary in SMK SULTAN BADLISHAH, Kulim, Kedah. i was there until form 3 but then something went terribly wrong and. . . senang citer takleh sekolah situ dah la :P . and so i was sent back to gombak into this school, smk sungai kertas. aihhhh. time muda semua benda nak try ek? life goes on :) . from left: KHIRUL HILMI, FUAD MUSTAFFAR, me and MUHAMMAD AZIZI.

time ni bulan puasa. dekat bazaar ramadhan :) . muka ZAIHEIRILL masih macam anak cina lagi time ni dan jamal masih lagi kuat pengaruh Kurt Cobain. hellz yeah. from left; jamal and zai.

nice stupid playground eyt? haha me with seorang kawan yang terlampau terbaik. terterterbaik. ade ke ayat cenggitu? muhammad zein terbaik. get to know him and you'll really know how a crazy friend really is. he's now serving as one of our country's line of defense. askar bai. haiihh kau terbaek mat :') . balik la gombak bro.

baru balik sekolah. no long-and-really-straight-hair back then. and not much of zits too! daymm!

kasut bawak pegi sekolah. i was never a teacher's pet ok. UPSR dapat 5a, PMR dapat 7a but then masa bersekolah dekat SMK SUNGAI KERTAS, semuanya drop. SPM 3a je -.- . whatever la kan? haha.

rooftop selayang mall. time serong sekolah. haha.

upon arriving at malacca for our first show, we stopped at uitm malacca sebab FADHLAN nak gi jumpa kekasih hati dier jap :)

baru lagi rasenye gambar ni. berjalan jalan di kotaraya kuala lumpur dengan AFNAN MERICAN NOORDIN dan FIRDAUS ABDULLAH(sepupu afnan).

my other half of music. besides playing alternative/grunge with guys stated earlier, i also play pop punk/screamo with these guys. check them out on MySpace and Facebook, type in Against The Wall :) . from left NAIM RUKI, MUHD KAMAL and YON/ZAIHEIRULL.

against the wall after a jamming session. ZAIHEIRULL and KHALEED.


sorry. but i just can't help reminiscing my past at the back of my eyes. so i started looking for these old pictures and hellz yeah they rules. time moves on aite? so get out and get busy living or die trying :) . have a fun meaningful life everyone :) . Pen Off.
8:22:00 PM

Mookie's Last Christmas

From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
feeling like you were honestly gone
I can't shake it...

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green ALL OVER me.
FREEZE the things that she loves
I should let it fold over AND OVER HER

We count the days left,AND 23 Is all I know
Honestly, could I be protected
With you suddenly gone
feeling that you were honestly gone
I can't shake it...

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green ALL OVER me.
FREEZE the things that she loves
I should let it fold over

Make the same mistake twice


this is one of many Saosin's great song. it's a song about Justin Shekoski's (Saosin's guitarist) dad who died in a car accident while watching band tour back when Justin was 19. mookie is the name of Anthony's (Saosin's vocal back then, now Cove Reber) dog. yet the whole idea of this song is about the sad loss Justin endured back then. my favorite line is "Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent" really intense. you guys should really listen to the acoustic version. 'cause it's a blast! try to smoke some weed and listen to it, you'll cry. believe me, YOU'LL CRY.
4:39:00 AM

It's Never Enough

i know it's not enough to sell all my hearts out,
and keep pretending that we're not alone.
i know that this isn't just as what we think of,
and i see that we're falling down.

i won't ever let us fall down,
i wont't let u see me crashing down,
'cause everytime i'm looking at you,
i see lies,
staring back and pointing back at me.

i've seen it all enough to say that i've tried to held in, but then you stepped out. i don't even get you and all those games you play, it makes me wouldn't stay.



above is the lyric for a song i wrote back in early 2009. it's a very meaningful piece for me as it is everything about me in a very compact composition. i intended to keep the song short and in utter repetition to clearly denounce the idea of what "ME" stands for. i love this song 'cause it's the only song that i wrote which had never been dedicated to anyone ever. i regard this as mine, solely mine. oh well i did played it a lot of times before in front of friends but that was on the purpose of sharing, not giving. this piece tells a lot about my family and my insight on life.

* if you wanna find out what this song do sounds like, you can check for a video of it at my MySpace profile. i'm not gonna upload it on Facebook. no effing way! and oh, if you do managed to find the video, a notice: that video was recorded approx. at 4am in the morning so there's no way that you'll find the video interesting. anywho, enjoys :) .*
6:23:00 AM

Crossing hearts and dots.

"We live for what He's worth and that's more than you'll know. He died for what He loved and He loved was you."

2:53:00 AM


The things you lost cannot replace what's missing.
2:14:00 AM

bittersweet symphony

It's been a long time since I last used public transportation and I learnt something cool today, and I'm not sure why haven't I noticed this earlier in life. I was standing all the way from sg buloh to kl sentral then to gombak and I was superbly bored during the entire process of trying to be at Gombak in time. I was very in need of something to ease the boring-ness back then. Phone's battery was dead, no music to listen to. Air conditioning made it impossible to smoke *huh?* . Standing made it hard to have a nice read. So there i was, struck bored to death when suddenly i noticed something beautiful in presence. I closed my eyes, and yeah there it was, beauty in the form of sounds.

I heard friends having a say on their life dalam loghat penang, group of chinese talking about their studies and stuffs in rojak words of mandarin and english, a family of sikh with their little ones running around and having fun doing so, heard politeness in words spoken by youngsters to old people, a couple from somewhere in europe serenading a song in their language, old married couple having sweet talks, group of boys joking around, another couple of a caucasian man and an asian woman flirting and talking about places they've been to and a nice pompous man who greets with fullest of respect to everyone there.

I couldn't help but to smile there like someone who's on drugs. Life is indeed a beautiful symphony as it is, why bother writing another? Pen off :)
1:20:00 AM

it's all over now :(

You look like you're letting go,
I know that you won't call on me.
You look like you're letting go,
I know what my insticts are telling me.
You're fading out,
It's so hard without you.
This wasn't my fault.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
This is all that I remember before you changed,
You're stuck in a dream with next to nothing.
I'm all alone and nothing is what it seems,
Without you next to me.

Sometimes it feels like home,
So safe in the shade.
But when the summer fades,
There's always something missing.
And now that I'm on my own I know why you just, just couldn't stop,
And why you had to leave.
It's so hard without you.
This wasn't my fault.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
This is all that I remember before you changed.
You're stuck in a dream with next to nothing.
I'm all alone and nothing is what it seems,
Without you next to me.

I never imagined I would feel so lost,
I never imagined this would be so hard.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
This is all that I remember before you changed.
You're stuck in a dream with next to nothing.
I'm all alone and nothing is what it seems.
Without you next to me.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?

a song by saosin. released in their lastest latest album 'in search of solid ground' . sad :(
4:46:00 AM
just finised watching th Germany vs Uruguay match.kinda sad tho that Uruguay couldn't make it.btw as i was watching th game,memories popped out in my head.memories of World Cups.i'd first enjoyed watching WC was in 2002.back then i was at Gombak.still young,still naive.later in 2006,i was at Kulim.schooling purposes.many great memories there.now in 2010, i'm here in B. Berjuntai.it made me realised how fast life is. 2014,where will i be?
7:46:00 PM

woman (:

i'd read a pretty interesting hadith recently. i can't remember it whole, but i sure do remember the crucial point of it. here goes.

rasulullah brsabda:"seorang wanita itu ibarat tulang rusuk yang bengkok. jikalau kita brkeras untuk meluruskannya, ia akan patah. kalau kita biarkan ia, ia akan bengkok selamanya."
what i'm trying to stres s is, be gentle ;) .

7:31:00 AM

good morning (:

assalamualaikum dudes & dudettes :)
today's lesson is:LOVE

L-ust,O-bscenity,V-ulgarity and E-eeww (: .i'm not a lonely anti-social dude but in my head,love is spelled that way.well at most,nowadays it is.i miss texting someone all day long,bergayut hours long and PDA-ing all streets long.but,i enjoy thinking all day long,guitar-ing hours long and crazy-ing all streets long even more.i 'love' my life ;) .no wait,i err 'like' it (?) .
3:02:00 AM

i was young but i wasn't naive.

here is a list of my favorite songs to play guitar to and sing when am depressed and down. enjoy ;) . 10.Escape the Fate-Harder Than You Know 9.Secondhand Serenade-It's Not Over 8.Sum 41-With Me 7.blink 182-What Went Wrong 6.Green Day-Time of Your Life 5.Leaving (my own song) 4.Lifehouse-Blind 3.Lifehouse-You and Me 2.Lifehouse-Hanging by a Moment 1.Alter Bridge-Watch Over You yahh im soft inside. but i can still kick and burn ur asses down ;)
4:29:00 PM

All Of Me

My morning as my eyes see,
There are buses and kids,
So early as it seems,
Yet the clock is struck hour at two , sometimes six,
With the sky horrific now like nostrils,
I can't spell humane in humanity,
Only human.
Educated only with ink,
We tend to write but not to think.
All in all, I could care less.

My afternoon as my eyes see,
Fields are endowed,
One with the footsteps of playing kids,
Another, with the circuits of metal applying forces with steel.
My hands left bare,
Asking for germination of ideas.
Yet bare naked now with secrets,
I'm eyed with doubt with regrets.
All in all, I could care less.

My evening as my eyes see,
The skies are black,
Overshadowing the blackness of greed over hunger.
The speeches are weak,
Over spoken with speaking actors and colleagues.
Sex is running on a leak,
Like the infamous dinner of ribs and steaks.
Like holy ghosts and talk show hosts,
I saw it all.
All in all, I could care less.

My night as my eyes see,
Everyone is gone,
Everything is alone.
My heart skips every of its beat,
My mind twists like a sickening lovefreaks,
My mouth is sharpening with licks,
With the remembrance of my day.
The door is opened wide,
but I know nothing like white.
White lies are spread over my rugs,
How could I?
All in all, I could care less.

I try to reach and preach,
To those that I love;
Which here and hereafter means;
Everyone that I know and haven't,
To teach me to live your ways,
'Cause I can't seem to find any sanity,
In having,
Sex with everyone that I met,
A laugh on a person's error,
Cursing like the wind blows,
Fighting over the smallest matters,
Alcohol-stenched breath.
I'm outdated if it is what you call.
I don't know,
'Cause I've been having this idea that this is DIGNITY.
Am I wrong?
Am I right?
All in all, who wouldn't care less?
8:44:00 AM


okay this next post will be so harsh that i wish all of you would think thousands of time before reading this. i found this stupid maddening article at http://www.wikiislam.com/wiki/Letter_To_Allah . this website is developed by some laknatullah who is trying real hard to destroy muslims all over the world. artikel di bawah kononnya merupakan cubaan mereka untuk berhubung dgn Allah. astaghfirullahhal'azim. tolong mengucap dan beristighfar banyak banyak sebelum baca.
Dear Allah;
Assalamu Alaikum; We really do not know how to address you properly. So, we use the same salutation that you taught your most favorite messenger, Muhammad (pbuh). It is also quite difficult for us to know about your whereabouts since you communicated with your Umma via your Minister of Information, Jibril via Muhammad (pbuh) 1400 years ago. Since then, we had never heard from you. This is very sad to us Allah. During these long 1400 years so many things have changed on earth. We are absolutely certain that you are quite aware of these changes. We are sending this e-mail to you hoping that this will find you somewhere in the cyberspace as this space is so huge. Allah, please forgive our Beadabi. We tried to communicate with you through, Zainamaj, Tasbih, Kurbani, Fasting, Zakat, Hajj, Dan Khairat------everything that you told us to do. But alas! All our attempts have been futile. Perhaps you are very busy. Perhaps you have other matters to attend. We waited patiently for thousands of years to receive your 'nek' and 'niamat'. But so far we have not received any. That is why, in desperation we are writing this urgent e-mail to you. Dear Allah, do you have a fax machine? We are sure you have one. Even the lowly creatures of yours can invent a fax machine. So, we are certain that you have a fax and a telephone service too. On your reply please give us your fax and telephone numbers so that we can contact you promptly whenever emergency arises.
Allah, we were not happy where we were born and raised. It was because we had to face grinding poverty, lawlessness, ill health, disease and no future for ourselves as well as for our children. We thought you are testing our Iman through those sufferings. Then we found a way to migrate to the infidel's countries. Allah, we are sure you will forgive us if you know our real intentions of doing this. We wanted to convert all these infidels in to followers of Islam and at the same time we and our children are assured of a better life, at least materially. We also wanted to build a mosque in every suburb of these infidel lands. This is our greatest ambition. Allah, don't you think that it was a clever idea? We could kill many birds in one stone! To our surprise we found strange things in these infidels land. We found that the women here do not wear Hijab. At first we were ashamed to look at these Hijabless damsels. We strictly followed your injunction like this:
[an-Nur 24:30] Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And God is well acquainted with all that they do.
We thought that these women are no better than prostitutes and that they were inviting rape. But we are surprised that a Hijabless woman is rarely raped or molested in the infidel's land! Allah, how is that possible? All our women wear Hijab still then they do not feel safe. Why is it so Allah?
Ya Allah, throughout our lives we have eaten Halal foods. We have never consumed any food forbidden by you. Even in the infidels land we drive hundreds of miles just to buy Halal foods though they may be unhygienic. But we shall rather eat unhygienic Halal food than consume infidel's foods. Allah, for this reason we very rarely visit Macdolad's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Hungry Jacks, Burger Kings ….……. and in other infidel fast food joints. We are very proud not to eat in these outlets even though they are impeccably, clean, hygienic and pleasant. We are very proud to uphold your decrees. Allah do you know why? It is because you said that the infidels are unclean. See for yourself, Allah!
[at-Taubah 9:28] O ye who believe! Truly the Pagans are unclean; so let them not, after this year of theirs, approach the Sacred Mosque. And if ye fear poverty, soon will God enrich you, if He wills, out of His bounty, for God is All-knowing, All-wise.
Allah, we have absolute faith in your words. When infidels invite us in their homes for a party we pretend to be broad minded; but when we go to these parties we carefully search foods for the telltale sign of Haramness in them. Most of the time we only drink fruit juices and eat none of the foods. We tell our hosts that we are not hungry or that we are sick.. Allah, don’t you think that it is a great sacrifice on our part just to honor your divine decrees? If by mistake we did the terrible act of consuming Haram food, please forgive us for this sin. After all, such accidental errors are forgiving to you; isn't it. See Allah what you wrote in your Quran!
[al-Baqarah 2:173] He hath only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and that on which any other name hath been invoked besides that of God. But if one is forced by necessity, without willful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits,- then is he guiltless. For God is Oft-forgiving Most Merciful.
But Allah, the thing that really puzzles us is that why are these Haramkhors (Haram eaters) seem to enjoy excellent health; whereas many of us even after eating the Halal foods throughout our lives seem not to have that great health. After all, we thought that the best way for health, vitality and longevity is through the Halal way. How come the infidels are better off with the Haram way? Dear Allah, you told us that as followers of the best religion, we are the best people on earth. For confirmation we just need to look at your following words:
[Al-Imran 3:110] Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in God. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.
[Al-Imran 3:85] If anyone desires a religion other than Islam (submission to God), never will it be accepted of him; and in the Hereafter He will be in the ranks of those who have lost (All spiritual good).
Allah, to us it meant that we are the best in every respect. But to our surprise we find that almost all the achievements of today are by the infidels and the kafirs. After you stopped talking to us through your messenger, so many things have changed that we do not have the space to write details in this short e-mail. Allah, why is it that we do not have a radio connection with you whereas these infidels have connected the entire globe electronically. How is it that these infidels are about to set foot on another planet created by you whereas we, the true followers of yours could not even trace your residing place? Allah, why is it that you did not give enough capability to your true followers to achieve these incredible achievements of the infidels? Another matter that is very perplexing to us is the field of medicine.
All the modern life saving drugs and medical inventions like penicillin, anti-biotic, x-ray, chemotherapy, CT-scan, ultrasound, mammography …… etc have been invented by the infidels. We hate to say this. But Allah, we have no choice. Our life totally depends on these infidels. Why is it so Allah? Allah, please give us at least the ability to save our own lives ourselves when we fall sick. Allah, it really seems that you are gradually abandoning us. Allah please tell us what has gone wrong with us.
To our knowledge we have never committed any Gunah at all. In fact, our other compatriots in your Islamic paradises are implementing pure and absolute Islam by following your prescriptions to the letter. Still then you are not happy with them You have given them all sorts of immeasurable sufferings and a series of natural disasters. We thought that you reserve the natural disasters like earthquakes, floods, famines, droughts etc. for the infidels and kafirs. Allah, is it fair that you make your believers suffer so much and let the infidels/kafirs go Scot free? Dear Allah, our members have become very frustrated. Every day we are facing the attacks from the secularists/freethinkers. We thought that Internet (your gift to mankind) will be on our side. We spent huge sums of money to develop countless sites dedicated to you. We thought that Internet shall be our weapon through which we shall convert every one on this planet to Islam. We thought that we shall decimate all secularists/freethinkers through our brilliant essays/discussions/fatwas/promises of eternal life/heaven and what not. We recycled most of these writings in almost all our sites. Our members are too busy following your prescribed rituals like five times prayers a day, fasting, Hajj, implementing Quran at home and outside. That is why they do not have enough time to produce new and original articles. Allah, what is wrong in recycling and repeating the same essays again and again and again in all our sites? After all, your writings are mostly repetitive too. Many times the secularists/freethinkers had the audacity to question the many repetition of verses in your Holy book. We silence them by saying that Allah repeats for greater understanding and explanation. Allah, we are just following that which you have done. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Cut and paste. Cut and paste. Cut and paste. We have no shortage of funds to create new web sites.
Money is pouring in from the Islamic paradises. We will do more and more cut and paste until all Islamic brother sites look alike just like the verses in your Quran. The only thing that is lacking in us is that we do not have the brainpower to silence the secularists and freethinkers. That is why we need to do a lot of homework. We spend nights and days doing our homework. In fact, we have so much of homework to do that the handful of brains that we have are always busy at home and rarely do outside work. See how smart and clever are we! The secularists and the freethinkers never do their homework. That is why we always chide them and lecture on them on how to compose essays.
We feel very proud in our faith when we do this. But then, this Internet battle is also looks like going to be won by the secularists/freethinkers/infidels. The Internet has really backfired on us, Allah. Every other day we find that secularists/freethinkers bring in new converts and original writings which your fellow followers find very difficult to confront. It is a very shameful thing for us when we find that many of these convert secularists were actually die hard followers of yours at a certain point in their lives. If you want to know more about them we can send their e-mail addresses and the blasphemous articles that they dared to propagate. Allah, is it possible that you made them to change their heart about you? We base it from your countless verses dealing with pre-ordination. In case you have forgotten, we are quoting a few here:
[Yunus 10:100] No soul can believe, except by the will of God, and He will place doubt (or obscurity) on those who will not understand.
[al-Fatir 35:8] Is he, then, to whom the evil of his conduct is made alluring, so that he looks upon it as good, (equal to one who is rightly guided)? For God leaves to stray whom He wills, and guides whom He wills. So let not thy soul go out in (vainly) sighing after them: for God knows well all that they do!
[al-An`am 6:125] Those whom God (in His plan) willeth to guide,- He openeth their breast to Islam; those whom He willeth to leave straying,- He maketh their breast close and constricted, as if they had to climb up to the skies: thus doth God (heap) the penalty on those who refuse to believe.
Dear Allah, would you please confirm this fear of ours in your return e-mail. Gostaki maaf. If this be confirmed by you then we better not waste our time on these secularist/infidel writers. This is your wish. So, be it.
Dear Allah it really frustrates us when we find that the Internet battle is slowly but surely being won by the infidels/freethinkers. To make situation worse, many of these kafirs writers use pseudo names and hide their real identities and physical whereabouts. Allah, please do not misunderstand us. We did try our utmost to unveil these hidden enemies of Islam. We have declared them apostates and we have waged Jihad against them. We have never forgotten your decrees on these apostates. As a test of proficiency of your Holy Scripture we quote from your Holy Quran:
[an-Nisa' 4:137] Those who believe, then reject faith, then believe (again) and (again) reject faith, and go on increasing in unbelief,- God will not forgive them nor guide them nor guide them on the way.
[an-Nahl 16:106] Any one who, after accepting faith in God, utters Unbelief,- except under compulsion, his heart remaining firm in Faith - but such as open their breast to Unbelief, on them is Wrath from God, and theirs will be a dreadful Penalty.
[ash-Shura 42:16] But those who dispute concerning God after He has been accepted,- futile is their dispute in the Sight of their Lord: on them will be a Penalty terrible.
Allah, we have sent plenty of hate/warning/threat mails to these kafirs/apostates. Some of our warning mails even contained threats of beheading them as per your instruction and as per your dearest messenger's practices. But these apostates do not care. They have become more dangerous than Salman Rushdie and Taslima Nasreen. Allah, please help us to find these apostates. You have declared that you are all knower. Allah, we are sure that you have not forgotten similar decrees of yours which adore virtually every page of the Holy Quran. Allah, do you have a tape recorder? Please playback your messages of 1400 years ago. Dear Allah, we know in the following verses that you asked us not to raise questions about faith.
[al-Ma'idah 5:101] O ye who believe! Ask not questions about things which, if made plain to you, may cause you trouble. But if ye ask about things when the Qur'an is being revealed, they will be made plain to you, God will forgive those: for God is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
[al-Ma'idah 5:102] Some people before you did ask such questions, and on that account lost their faith.
Allah, how funny is it that if we ask any questions about Islam then we may end up becoming an unbeliever! Now we understand why you have imposed terrible punishments for those who ask questions like the secularists/freethinkers. Allah, we are really very curious to know if you had recorded your messages in a tape recorder or CD or DVD so that there would have been no confusion about your authentic messages? Please Allah forgive us for inquiring such thing. Ya Allah, we need your intervention very urgently. Please tell us the physical whereabouts of these new Salman Rushdies and Taslima Nasreens. They are multiplying every day. After we receive your e-mail, we shall forward this information to your favourite annihilators, the Talibans and other Islamic Jihadis group who will take care of them. We have tried our best to defeat these foes of Islam intellectually, but we could not. Now we have no choice but to eliminate them physically. After all, that is how you had always won, isn't it? Allah, remember the genocide in Bangladesh, Iran, Afghanistan, Sudan? Allah, isn't this the only language in your scripture to deal with the infidels/secularists/freethinkers? Look Allah, what you wrote in your Pak Kalam
[al-Baqarah 2:193] And fight them on until there is no more Tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in God; but if they cease, Let there be no hostility except to those who practise oppression.
[al-Ma'idah 5:33] The punishment of those who wage war against God and His Apostle, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is: execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land: that is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the Hereafter;
[Muhammad 47:4] Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers (in fight), smite at their necks; At length, when ye have thoroughly subdued them, bind a bond firmly (on them): thereafter (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: Until the war lays down its burdens. Thus (are ye commanded): but if it had been God's Will, He could certainly have exacted retribution from them (Himself); but (He lets you fight) in order to test you, some with others. But those who are slain in the Way of God,- He will never let their deeds be lost.
Dear Allah, as we said before, we have many things to write to you. If only you could read our language and respond!
With the greatest devotion. Your Slave. Hal-Lum-Wena
P.S. For safety reasons from the kafirs we also used a cryptic name just like you put many cryptic messages in your Holy Book (like Alif-Lam-Mim, Alif-Lam-Mim-Sad, Ta-Ha, Ta-Sin-Mim, Ha-Mim just to name a few). Allah, we are sure you will be able to decipher it.
Written by Abul Kasem, an ex-muslim of Bangladeshi origin
i cried when i read this for the first time. this is sad. super sad ;'(
aku memohon perlindungan dari Allah SWT dari segala fitnah dunia :'(
6:32:00 AM

21st Century Breakdown

no the title has nothing to do with green day's single. i'm here again to be that preacher who tries to connect but with all the wrong words and means. baru baru ni menjelajah ke alam myspace, browsing for musics and stuff. tangan gatal gatal nak bukak profile sesape tahh. maen bukak je, and i really hate the words used in most of the profile i've visited. ayat dorang macam orang yang takde agama, takde moral, takde akhlak islamiah tapi dekat section religion terang terang tulis 'Muslim' :( . dekat profile sorang minah ni ade tertulis ni:

"you hate me ? just get a fuck off n blahblah ! just like pussy or koneek :) . msj tidakk akn dilayan ye , si bdo ! a triple fuckk if sexsual topic become here . urr jgn mcm cibai okayy ? :) , i'm taken andd no time for chatting , please attention yuh :) . so , better if dunt leave any comments here :) tengs ! ehh , i'm nott lesbian laa babi . "

"just like pussy or koneek :) ." haiihh. kau tu perempuan. mulut jaga la sikit. kau nak konek sangat ke? then this "a triple fuckk if sexsual topic become here . urr jgn mcm cibai okayy ? :)" , grammar berterabur pastu tak bagi orang sembang kotor. konek ngan pussy tu ape? nama makanan? dah macam nasik la perkataan tu eh? and then ada satu profile minah sorang ni lagi dekat caption salah satu gambar dier, dier tulis "masih dara, still in good condition :) ." ermmm kau nak buat direct selling ke? satu lagi, masalah orientation. "Ak sKe laki n poMpuan . Pew ownk Nk cKp psl ak LntK a ." orientation dier letak lesbian (okay some girls did it for fun because one of my ex once did the same thing too and i'm not offended by that), pastu gambar kalau boleh nak maut habis. kalau kamera boleh letak dalam bra, rasenye dier dah buat. ade sekali terbukak profile pompuan ni, gambar biasa, tapi dekat status tulis "baru pas maen ngan kazen i :) " . ade sorang lagi perempuan-yang-ingin-hak-sama-rata-antara-manusia ni tulis kat status "if u want best klimax. try play-o (durex)" wahhhh siap ada ilmu untuk dikongsi lagi? impressing. i'm not sure what's the use of having those dirty ideas in our mind -.-

"Dari Jabir bin Abdullah, katanya Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: “Dajjal muncul pada waktu orang tidak berpegang kepada agama dan jahil tentang agama. Pada zaman Dajjal ada empat puluh hari, yang mana satu hari terasa bagaikan setahun, ada satu hari yang terasa bagaikan sebulan, ada satu hari yang terasa satu minggu, kemudian hari-hari berikutnya seperti hari biasa.” Ada yang bertanya: “Ya Rasulullah, tentang hari yang terasa satu tahun itu, apakah boleh kami solat lima waktu juga?” Rasulullah s.a.w menjawab: “Ukurlah berapa jarak solat yang lima waktu itu.” Menurut riwayat Dajjal itu nanti akan berkata: “Akulah Tuhan sekalian alam, dan matahari ini berjalan dengan izinku. Apakah kamu bermaksud menahannya?” Katanya sambil ditahannya matahari itu, sehingga satu hari lamanya menjadi satu minggu atau satu bulan. Setelah dia tunjukkan kehebatannya menahan matahari itu, dia berkata kepada manusia: “Sekarang apakah kamu ingin supaya matahari itu berjalan?” Mereka semua menjawab: “Ya, kami ingin.” Maka dia tunjukkan lagi kehebatannya dengan menjadikan satu hari begitu cepat berjalan. Menurut riwayat Muslim, Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: “Akan keluarlah Dajjal kepada umatku dan dia akan hidup di tengah-tengah mereka selama empat puluh. Saya sendiri pun tidak pasti apakah empat puluh hari, empat puluh bulan atau empat puluh tahun. Kemudian Allah SWT mengutus Isa bin Maryam yang rupanya seolah-olah Urwah bin Mas’ud dan kemudian membunuh Dajjal itu.” Dan menurut ceritanya setelah munculnya Dajjal hampir semua penduduk dunia menjadi kafir, yakni beriman kepada Dajjal. Menurut ceritanya orang yang tetap dalam iman hanya tinggal 12,000 lelaki dan 7,000 kaum wanita. Wallahu A'lam. "

orang yang beriman pada akhir zaman nanti hanya 12,000 lelaki dan 7,000 wanita (saya tahu kisah ini, tetapi terpaksa copy paste jugak takut ada orang yang cakap saya jenis cakap sesuka hati).
7:00:00 PM

Dear Atero Bores.

i recently took a short visit back to my myspace account (myspace is dead, facebook killed it) just to see how's it going. been looking up on old friends' profile and some hot-chicks-wannabe's profiles :) . a lot has changed. the feeling back then was like, revisiting a great place you once loved yet now, everything about it will just inflict emptiness.
blah blah blah. these are not the main reasons why i am posting this. the reason why is that i was checking my profile and i remembered that i have posts in my blog section. i took a peek to relive those moments where i was still eager and passionate about poetry and love. this poem below was written for my last ex-girlfriend. things get cloudy and messy around us since i'm in unisel, but i'm not sure if i'm to blame.

Dear Shorty,

I got something to share,
It's not much,
Or nothing less than,
3 words,
Or perhaps more,
And even more.
Read on,
Understand me later on.

I got something to hide,
From you,
It's the amount,
Of inks and papers,
Drawn out in order to write,
Everything about you,
Drawn out,
To create something new,
But I need more from you.
Words are nothing,
And so it seems,
So am mine.
I guess.

I got something to kept,
Away from you,
It's my heart,
But I can't,
Cause U already have it,
It's in your grasp,
And I don't blame you.
U're just the one...
I guess.

I got something,
Far beyond words,
It's inside me,
Yet it vanished,
At the very sight of you,
They're gone.
I stuttered at your touch,
I stumbled upon your whispers,
I leaped at your presence,
And I fell deep with your absence.
It's that something you,
Have in you,
Your soul.
I guess.

You're mine,
I guess.

I got something,

To tell you,
Im worrying over,
the days spent,
the words spoken,
the truth told,
the lies been kept,
the feelings 'shared',
the kisses blown,
and the hugs that bind,
are only astrays,
fake imitations of ourselves.
You'll never understand this,
Not even a word.
I guess.

To let you know,

That I've been dying to reach you,
But you're no longer there,
Not even when I needed u the most,
Even when I'd dived for us.

That my words are perhaps,
Just plain rubbish,
And my bare existence doesn't afflict at u at all,
How am I feeling.
I've been off-coursed,
I know this is hard,
I know we're not the same,
I've been writing on a short mind,
I can't help it,
But I'm shouting this out,
And answers are not that I seek,
Is all I want.
I guess.

I have nothing,
I guess,
To write more in order to let you know,
That I miss our old days,
Talking on the phone for hours,
Texting regardless of situations, (well at least for me,it was)
Being there for you no matter what,
Holding your hands in mine,
Lulling you to sleep,
Carrying you,
Hearing you whisper, 3rd August, You said you wanna be here,
With me,
In my ups and downs,
I could care less anymore,
With anyone other than you,
I guess.

I have something,
In desperate to reach you,
To tell you,
To let you know, That. . .

I miss you every possible second there was,
I miss you the way you were,
I miss you as if you're no longer here,
I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you,
Raja Nor******* Binti Raja S*********,
Cause there's not even a single clue,
On how am I supposed to go on without you.
what to do if I am to sleep without you,
What will you be without me.?

I need not answers,
Not explainations,
Not words,
Not more,
Not less,
Than a proof, Tell me. . .

Are you loving me for real.?

'cause i love you, I don't wanna lose, Any of you.!

I Love You Baby

(i'm not sure why this failed at winning her heart back :P. 'Dear Atero Bores' is the title of it. Atero Bores is a name that i used to call her. only she and me know the exact story behind it. i won't have her name leaked, 'cause though we're not even friends anymore, i still know how to respect people. haha xD )
5:37:00 AM

Peace, Love, Empathy :)

in music, i am only interested with bands with powerful deep lyrics and which is why i am not afraid to say that i'm an outdated person who still listens to old bands. why? because nowadays, bands play music for the cash and fame, not for the sake of having their thoughts shared. i wouldn't say that all new bands are the same. there are many strong reasons why i take Saosin, Devildriver, Circa Survive and Nirvana (just to name a few) as my favorite. they write things with emotions. devildriver? yah a speed metal band, but man their lyrics! dez fafara often has concrete ideas on his words not just plain screams and growls. anthony green (former Saosin, now Circa Survive) is hell of a writer and singer. he write things with deep emotions and often in his shows, he cried. i'm not gay and nor did i see this as gayish (-.-) . he sings his heart out, not his head. same as kurt cobain. kurt, a dying soul from the very age of childhood, writes deep explicit lyrics. it's sad the fact that he is dead right now.

anyhoo, i was browsing for circa survive videos on youtube to listen to their acoustics, and i found across this. a video of circa survive doing a cover of nirvana's song entitled 'dumb'. enjoy the emotions poured :) .
(do any of you 4 followers have any idea why the title is "Peace,Love,Empathy"? those words are the last words written by kurt cobain in his life. his last words written in his suicide note :( .)

I'm not like them, but I can pretend. The sun is gone, but I have a light
The day is done, I'm having fun. I think I'm dumb, or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy (x3)
My heart is broke, but I have some glue. Help me inhale and mend it with you
We'll float around and hang out on clouds. Then we'll come down, and have a hangover.
Have a hangover (x3)
Skin the sun, fall asleep.
Wish away, soul is cheap.
Lesson learned, wish me luck.
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I'm not like them, but I can pretend. The sun is gone, but I have a light
The day is done, I'm having fun. I think I'm dumb, or Maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy (x3)
I think I'm Dumb (x12)

sad ;'(