8:07:00 PM

Death, and all of its friends.

I went back to my hometown last Tuesday and had the best brief getaway so far. Seeing once 2 year old now grown up and the best blessing was to see my grandmas from both side, healthy and happy. It wasn't long tho, for at 1900hrs(more or less) we got a text from my sister mentioning the death of his boyfriend's mother. It was a painful moment and we decided to pay a visit but had to rather cancel it because the burial is set to be at Terengganu. The next day, we went straight back to Gombak.

Today, at 1734 I received a text message from a friend of mine, his mom died. Death never knew how to rest, that's for sure. It was like the fourth most depressing moment in my life, yes FOURTH. In my head, I started imagining living as him, waking up every day with a bitter taste of loss, losing that one spot that you can cling onto, realizing that there will no longer be a happy Mother's Day, and most of all; living WITHOUT a mom. Death knows no boundaries and death cares nothing about the word 'family'. Death works alone and it causes loneliness, hard fact. I started imagining things, lots of things. Mostly about the possibility of death occurring anytime anywhere. When will I be dead? Everybody dies, so it's a really disturbing question that lingers endlessly in my head.

Nightmares, they did happen to me once in a while. But what nightmare is for me, is totally different from your average ones. I'm not scared at all of ghosts, or anything of that league, I AM PETRIFIED BY THE FACT THAT DEATH EXIST. I used to wake up from bed with wet pillows, caused by many uneasy dreams that involve the death of my many beloved ones. I had once dreamt about the death of my sister, my parents and sometimes my own death. I gotta admit, I'd lost just too many people throughout my life. Imagine hearing the news of your friend's death from an awful road accident, death by a serious fever, and how about losing your brother from a terrible road crash? Or worse still, losing your very own mother whose pregnant and is about close to deliver a baby? An uncle of yours? Friends? These were only the death that I'd suffered through. How about yours? What hurts me the most, is the mentality of our people that take no serious heed of death that happens around them. Be it the death of their own friend, even. And when death comes by to their very house and take away someone they truly love, they started acting all depressed of a sudden and be more depressed when people aren't showing the sympathy that they'd expect. Beat it, you weren't there when they needed you. All you ever did was saying you're sorry and gave away some nice words to soothe them. Karma's a whack, yes. The next time someone lost their loved ones, imagine yourself as them. That would probably put some humanity in you.

Live your life well, or die trying. Al-Fatihah.