3:58:00 AM

Selamat Hari Raya everyone :)

"that very morning was the same as every other that we had. we siblings woke up at 9am or so to find out that our tummy was soo in desperate need for food and so off i went to the kitchen looking for something to cure that itch in this tiny esophagus of mine. yet, before even arriving (eh jauhnye dapur?), i noticed that my eldest sister was crying and sobbing so hard with my neighbors beside her. i suddenly knew that that day will turn up unusual than the usual days before. that day will be a scar etched firmly across my chest, that day will be on a crest (it rhymes people!). i asked my sister why but she couldn't bother answering with her sobs hanging all the way through to her lungs and so my neighbor then handed me that day's newspaper. she told me to look at a page and read it well with my other sisters. i read it and oh how i was taken aback by that article. i was barely even breathing and my head was imagining things like it never ever had before. there was written that a car with passengers of 4 was involved in a fatal accident with a lorry. no survivors were reported from the side of the car, but 'luckily' those who were in the lorry survived. i thought that my mom was one of the victim for she had the same car like written in the article but i was wrong because for a moment later my mom was safely home. she told us all of the details and told us to quickly pack our bags and wait at the car. before i went on packing, i glanced back at my eldest sister, her eyes were all red and watery, her cheeks wet from her pouring tears and her voice was not at all there. i knew how she felt back then 'cause i too had had an experience equal of this of her, i too had lost someone before. at that moment, my eyes dripped the firsts drop of tears for the day. i'll cry with you sister. i promise ;') ."

"once every often during the trip my head reminisced all those moments i shared with 'him' whom i had recently lost. i remembered listening to Nirvana though the young age of mine which was barely 10, i remembered wrestling 'him' every time 'he' got home after 'his' tiring weeks of part time job, i remembered playing video games with 'him' until the very final hour of a day and i certainly do remember vividly 'his' smiles and 'his' voice. 'he' was the kind of a rebel who would say "Let's play guitar and be a rockstar one day" or "I'm tired of chores *whilst smiling :)*", i would say that. 'he' was the best friend ever and we were so close though we were separated by an 8 years of age gap. i remembered listening to my mom talking to 'him' "Hang jangan kerja jauh sangat amat, nanti jadi apa apa susah. Bukan nya takmau bagi." and 'he' replied with a sweet smile on 'his' face "Saje nak cari pengalaman ngan duit. Nanti orang selalu balik ummu. Takde ape nye ni." yes i remember that moment."

"the day we lost 'him' fell on Syawal 23rd of 1421 Hijri which was the 18th of January 2001. after the day 'he' went, i remembered that my mom once said that the boss from 'his' part time job called and told her that the boss had offered the staffs somewhat of like a reward before Raya Aidilfitri to those who managed to do their works greatly and 'he' replied to 'his' boss that 'he' would do things great from now on because Aidilfitri is just around the corner and 'he' just can't wait to see the face on my mom when she sees it. after the evaluation, 'he' was the selected one for that reward but yeah some promises were made before it reaches the heart and 'he' was sad/mad that 'he' didn't get 'he' had worked for and the boss told my mom the he was terrified if the ghost of 'him' will haunt him for his wrongdoing but my mom said that those who left would never come back. "those who left would never come back" is a strong word. you wouldn't know how i felt upon losing you, you wouldn't know how it hurts to see your face in Aidilfitri motionless and pale, you wouldn't even know me being there to see you, you wouldn't even know how much i had missed you before that day and most of all you wouldn't even know how much i still miss you until this very day of Aidilfitri the 1st of 1431 Hijri. you wouldn't know how much we missed you. you would never know."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back to the time before u were buried because i didn't kissed you goodbye. i didn't even touched you. oh how i was stupid for letting that opportunity blows twice in my life."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and take you back to this day where you can see that our family is now doing great. we now have PS2, so you wouldn't have to play games on that old bulky PSone we once had."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and tell you to never do the part time. i would be willing to say and do anything just to stop you from leaving the house."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and tell you of my future. we can laugh about the girls i met and talk about the friends we have. we can be in a band bro! we'll play Nirvana's stuffs all day long!"

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back and take you to yesterday. yesterday, Syawal the 1st where we had been to your grave and gave respect. and oh you'd missed many huge events in our family. abang didi is married to kak mekna, abang kamarul is married too! and plus, you have a new sister named Raja Fitriyatul Khairiyah. she's a real menace. you should see her, she's beautiful. heh i sounded awfully bad here. i need to stop."

"if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would definitely go back to our last Aidilfitri together and apologize for all of the bad things i had done. i would say "Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri abang mat. maafkan lah semua salah silap aku sepanjang kita pernah kenal." to you. i will if i can."

"it's kind of ironic of how mom used to scold you so bad because of the incident where you'd made me fell real hard when i was months old *and she did even told you to never ever touch me again!* and how you now seems to be my favourite friend ever. well i'm displeasing everyone now, so it's time to go. Peace, Empathy, Pen Off ;') ."

i copied this article from somewhere but i just couldn't remember the precise whereabout. jadi tolonglah hargai semua ahli keluarga anda. mereka tak boleh dijual beli. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua, mohon maaf zahir dan batin dari saya Raja Muhammad Amiruddin bin Raja Chulan.
*and oh saya dah ingat dah tempat asal artikel ni. it was originally in my head for the remembrance of my late brother Raja Ahmad Ashfihani bin Raja Chulan ;'(*

*rest in peace my beloved brother ;') . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off.
9:05:00 PM


Ipoh mali :) . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :)
8:38:00 AM

Family :)

my everything :)