third thought.

i have a difficulty in saying yes for more than 3 seconds, because after that i would probably say no instead. remember that crappy post about me being askdhalja padaolhne about being home? yeahh screw that :D . i went fishing last night with a number of friends, one who had recently worked at UNISEL, one who had taught me a lot about paintball back when i was doing part time with him, one who had been my guitar instructor when i was still green and wet, one who had once serong sekolah with me, and the last one; is the one who had joined the army last year. It had been quite a 'milennia' since i last hangout with them, and last night we went to do the thing we love most; fishing.

kami bertolak dalam pukul 2245, rasenye. sebelum bertolak, semua huha huha dekat kedai makan. a grand reunion eyh? bile nampak muke si mamat yang masuk askar tu, perghhh tibe tibe rase nak emosional jap :D . bertahun dah kot tak jumpe dier. walaupun dier dah masuk askar, tapi perangai dier still macam budak sekolah lagi. terbaikkk. kitorang pegi memancing dekat Taman Metropolitan Kepong, sampai dalam pukul 2315 camtu. *but that place had never been my favourite, susah dapat ikan -.- * . peralatan tak cukup, banyak betul yang tak cukup. tapi layankan aje :) .

and so we fish. i was busy undoing the tied up net, while someone was busy starting up the fire and it went on for decades -.- . i casted twice and all of a sudden i felt bored and so i stopped.

-.- zzZZZ . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off :)

wish you were here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.
Year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears.

I wish you were here.
I wish you were here.



*a cover of Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here'.*

no it isn't.

"Please understand. This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you, this is where the road crashed into the ocean. It rises all around me and now we're barely breathing, a thousand faces we'll choose to ignore.

Curse my enemies forever, let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful. This desperation leaves me overjoyed with fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy.

I listen to you cry I cry for less attention, but both my hands are tied and I’m pushed into the deep end.
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap and my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak.
So search for an excuse and someone to believe you in foreign dressing rooms. I’m empty with the need to curse my enemies forever, let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful. This desperation leaves me overjoyed with fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy. Please understand.

I lay rotting where I fall. I'm dead from bad intentions, suffocated and enbalmed. And now all our dreams are cashed in you swore you wouldn't lose, then lost your brain. You make a sound that feels like pain.

So please understand. This isn’t just goodbye, this is I can’t stand you."


Markus Allan Hoppus

home

am currently in Gombak, but I really haven't went home yet. I've been sleeping at my friend's house ever since the arrival. things aren't the same anymore, you see. i don't feel as content as I usually do whenever I'm here. last year was a blast, if you'd asked me. and so will this year, I presume. but something's not quite right and i'm not sure what the hell is it, but it's not right. i've been thinking of big things lately, mostly about my parents and how were they doing while i'm gone. in pretty much shorter words, i'm homesick and it's been bugging me more often. i'm not 'homesick' in the sense that i want to go home, i'm 'homesick' in a sense that i miss to have a place to be called HOME.
life's been spinning slow but it's only because i chose it to be that way. yet, this is not the speed i'd wished for. if only time and space is 'turnable' then that would be a necessity in my home. friends are still the same, still awesome. and so is my family! but i dunno, there's something about something that made this all seems. . .i dunno. different? i guess, maybe because we're getting older day by day and i just couldn't find a way to digest that fact as it is. i refuse to grow up. done said.

heh, whatever fuck it is that i'm babbling about here, it's surely is a mental one. i need to stop -.- . Peace, Empathy, Pen Off.